Story: The unfathomable Affliction…
Combating the vulnerability: A story of Mary Lynn
On Sundays, getting up from the bed, taking care of everyone and neglecting yourself, your desires and wishes are something that a traditional woman usually does. Either she’s a mom, daughter, or a sister she has to take care of everyone being selfless and must not expect anything in return. There’s no one in this world except women themselves to be a little selfish, they should all be valued and regarded equally. I resolute that I shouldn’t let the negativity instill in my mind, regardless of the verity I work like a horse and have an outstanding career, money, house, car, and all the luxuries anyone would desire for. Maybe there is a constant feeling of isolation that was bothering me. My hormones were fine, I didn’t have any mood swing, but don’t know why there was something that was bothering me. I didn’t even want to converse with anybody in my perfect family not even with my mom.
I took bath, just had a fruit punch and went to the study room wherein silence I can romance with the magnificent collection of books and authors, that’s how I calm myself down, but today there was something unusual, nothing was working, even books were bothering me. What all running in my mind was, how David used to caress me when he was around and I loved to ask him all the silly questions in the world and he had always been there, resolve my petty problems, goaded me, and appreciated me. He was a world to me and I’ve lived in the illusion that nothing can separate us except death which was my biggest mistake. I still believe that I’m more reminiscent of him; I imagine like him, adore like him, and even chatter like him occasionally. I didn’t love him but I’ve lived him. Deep in my heart I still contain that wound and it kills me every second, how conveniently he cheated on me. I’d two sons from him, Charlie and Alph. It’s been 7 years now I‘m 29 but the wound is insatiable.
Soon, I shook myself washed my face, and appeared on the couch lying beside the reading table. I began to read a few self-help books to boost my self-esteem. No, I’m not suicidal, I’m a woman with potency, I’ve given birth to two sons but yeah, I’m not afraid to say I’m BROKEN. But I didn’t let any nastiest thing affect my children in any way. I’ve worked in double shifts, studied hard, I’m doing a Ph.D. in criminal psychology, I party hard over the weekends and enjoying my life at best but still, there is a ruined heart that needs to be mended. I’ve never given up on myself which is why I’m thriving and positively triumphant. But there’s a mislaid love in my life. The seclusion is always nerve-wracking and deep within I yearn for someone to take care of me. I’m not depressed but nor I’m happy. It assures every weekend.
I’m delighted it’s Monday which means I’ve targeted to complete, sitting late hours, scuttle to school to pick the boys up and drop them to their Nana’s home. With all that I forget I’d to meet my advocate, who was dealing with my case for a bank loan I have to return, I’d taken a few years back to afford a house for my children. David had left everything in vain and he had pushed me with my children to the worst ever consequences just to fulfill his selfish desires. There was a time when I carried two years old in one hand and another hand I had six months old breastfeed baby, it still gives me goose bumps. How cold-hearted and ruthless a man can be? Edward (Eddy) came to my office to discuss my case. He was fairly handsome. All the female colleagues were all flattered when he was around. I shell out more attention to, just discussed the points associated with the case. But then I realized that he was just watching my eyes, observing me and my bizarre expressions. He put forward some queries interrelated to my private life and inquired if I can accompany him for a lunch someday just for the formal dialogue. I denied him that I’m fairly busy for few days but would mull over his request. After two days, I’ve resolute what I inferred, but why was I inferring even, wasn’t it a formal lunch? Or could be friendly? I was too much tangled within my soul and errands that I’ve never focused on my requirements. I was just being rigid, so I just called him up and told him to meet the next day at lunch.
I met him at my favorite restaurant La chine downtown. He was there on time as decided earlier. He was persistently gazing into my eyes. In his profound tone he said “Don’t mind miss, but I see Isolation in your eyes”, I replied in a rough tone “Everyone in this world is Isolated in some way or other, so what if am I, I am blessed” With a pale smile on his face, he urged that he wants to be there by my side and he realizes how tougher it would be to take care of ‘shrewd professional’ like me, that hit me so hard. I smiled back and conferred him a chance to be a friend. We began chatting with each other and meet over the weekends occasionally. He has done zilch but all to me. His major apprehension was me and my care. But why was he doing that what was his motive behind all that? That was all running into my mind but I was determined to give a shut-up call to my inner conscience. I just had morality concern but I was not breaching that wasn’t I? It’s okay to get engrossed by someone who is bothered by you all the time.
Soon the day came, my sons were friendlier to uncle eddy and they loved his company which made me more inclined towards him. It was my younger son Alph’s 8th birthday. I had a fever that day, I couldn’t pick up eddy’s call and that made him more worried and he reached my home. He could not resist staying by my side for the consecutive 3 days without a quick nap for a moment. He cooked for me, washed my clothes, and even took care of my kids.
It was the 3rd day when I was lying helplessly on the bed he fed me the soup, after the meal while he was wiping off my lips and chin from the napkin, he gently kissed my lips, he whispered in my ears “I want to take care of you for the rest of my life”. I never in my entire life have cried that way, but at that very moment I broke into tears and I cried a lot, after hearing that. He got petrified, left my home, and did not turn back. He used to call my sons to inquire about my health and condition but he never called me up. I survived life like a warrior, 7 years I’ve spent being an iron lady and never let anyone infringe the integrity concern. But I covet to be embraced and nurtured. I could see an intangible soul mate in Eddy. He’s prudent and mature enough that any woman would be in love with. Moreover, he can maneuver a loutish, rough, and experienced woman with all his drollness and gentle ways.
After getting recovered when I tied back to my work I called him up to verbalize about whatever has happened. I felt he was frantically waiting for my call. I met him up; I did confess about my fondness for him but refused to marry him and preferred to walk all alone for the rest of my life in grave isolation.
Why did I do that? Why? I loved him, he loved me but still, I’d refused him. Why??
